How to Lean Into God and Gain Character
Do you ever feel completely tossed by life’s ebb and flow and constantly feel like you’re grasping for some stability? Do you struggle with feeling overwhelmed? Feel like your emotional up and downs are just too wild? Do you like to speak your mind, because isn’t that what we should do? Be “real”? Shouldn’t we feel comfortable being ourselves in our hot mess express? Girl, God has more for you than this. Keep reading to find out how to lean into God and gain character.
Time in the winepress
Times of hardship brought this out in me like a tidal wave. Even when I (finally) began to find joy in the Lord and thankfulness for the good things in my life, I was still struggling with feeling calm and in control of the emotions inside of me. Things weren’t necessarily negative anymore but I wasn’t really sure how to have poise or composure.
I was more aware and sensitive to other people’s reactions to me, and other people’s emotions in general. I had a desire to make sure people were comfortable around me. Not like I wanted to pretend everything was ok when it wasn’t, but I wanted have some element of composure I didn’t feel I had. Think oversharing.
Reading the controversial book Fascinating Womanhood I began to catch onto a related, but hidden theme in this book. Having Godly character. As a Christian woman, I was accustomed to this phrase but usually glossed over it. I knew attributes of God such as goodness, faithfulness, honesty, love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, humility, compassion, self control, forgiveness, and contentment. I had some of these traits but the sheer fact that I felt so tossed by life meant there were times I did NOT embody these traits. And I wasn’t really sure how to do that.
Studying Boundaries in the past reminded me I definitely had some blind spots in the area of appropriateness.
leaning into god separates the wheat from the chaff
In an encounter with a friend a few years ago, I woke up when she expressed her frustration with my lack of ability to “get it together”. Notably, I was depressed and in a bad place. Thankfully I know that when someone says hard things we can bring it to the Lord. He can help discern if there is truth to any part of what they are saying. I concluded that even though it was very insensitive, it was true, and I started to pull myself up by my bootstraps and doing anything I could to help myself.
One of the first things I invested in was more disciplined cleaning of my house. I had learned years before in a temporary depression period that it’s common for our home to reflect whats going on in our hearts. Flylady along with the Lord really pulled me out of that one. Then I made the effort to cook that new meal, dress nicer, and put on makeup regularly. This definitely helped a lot.
Soon after I started feeling inspired with all kinds of ideas of things I wanted to do. What vegetables to plant in a makeshift garden, what painting and small home improvement projects I wanted to try my hand at. I got a zest for life back that I didn’t have before when I was just more often than not, a hot mess.
desperately needing character development
With the intimate relationships in my life and at home I still struggled to just embody peace consistently. I mean, home is our “safe space” right? Shouldn’t we feel free to be ourselves and let it all hang out? But to be honest, it created a bad atmosphere in my home and I was convicted I was not being the wife, mother, and homemaker that I could be.
It was frustrating to see some of my 8 year olds behaviors mimicking things that I was doing. My husband works from home and has a high stress job, and any lack of peace in our 2 bedroom apartment is noticeable. I truly believed God had a peace that surpasses all understanding available to me. As I’ve pressed into God, I found some practical steps to built character. These have ultimately brought good fruit to my life.
practical ways to lean into god and choose character development
1. Choosing to pray in those moments of struggle enabled me to recognize when overwhelm was creeping in.
After reading Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses, I prayed each time I noticed a trigger that was bringing overwhelm and a potential reaction. I will testify the Lord was so faithful to me to answer these prayers. Even though it was hard at first and with constant error, it brought an awareness to what was going on. I became aware of when it was possible that I was going to lose my composure.
To be completely honest, the Lord delivered me from this struggle after a short time of prayerfully asking for His help. I feel drastically less overwhelmed and more focused that I’ve been in years, and it has truly been a deliverance.
Slowing down and addressing my daughter eye to eye calmly has helped me to actually solve problem behaviors. If I allow myself to get too busy, stressed, or distracted to address these things with the time necessary to properly address them, things will snowball, there is shouting, and an erosion in relationship which is destructive from multiple angles.
2. Working to best organize and compose yourself physically, which will cause a difference emotionally.
If you dress for a black tie event, don’t you just FEEL classy? Feeling classy equates to you ACTING classy. Research on this topic shows how what you wear and how you compose yourself can quite literally change your behavior.
So what areas could use an overhaul? Do you have appropriate clothing to wear for the occasions you attend and the seasons and weather in your area? Are you prepared when you go out with a wallet thats easy to access your money? Do you have the items that you need to succeed and feel confident in social scenarios? Do you have any routines or systems that organize you or your home?
Making some effort to physically prepare yourself in these areas will make a difference when you are in these situations. It doesn’t need to cost a lot but will maybe involve some organization and decluttering (physical items, routines, and ideas) on your part, passing along items that don’t work for you so you can move forward to find what does.
I am still working on having an appropriate wardrobe for real life and I’m sure maintenance of this type of thing will be a constant. IThere was a lot of catching up to do. I even still feel somewhat clueless on where I should even shop for certain items. But I know by taking the time and making the effort to find these things and not just taking the easiest (Walmart) route out every time, I am saying with my actions that I have value as a woman and a Child of God.
3. With your new found time and less stress, focus on others.
This is the stage I am leaning into now. Using 80-20 rule of what can I get 80% impact for 20% effort with eliminating stress around our home for myself (and others – because you know mama feels EVERYONE’S stress). A woman of character doesn’t purely work on herself and increase efficiency for her own benefit, but uses the time she saves to help others and serve God. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
What are lingering To-Do’s and problems you have put off solving?
how can you meet some needs your family has that you haven’t had time or the emotional strength to focus on?
What are some things that don’t feel right in your family that you should spend time praying for God to change?
Are there people you can help outside the home or people you can welcome into your home and show hospitality to?
the fruits of character development
Character development was the key to inviting the peace of God into my heart and into my home. Having character is not about putting on a show or being fake to pretend that everything is perfect. It is having a measure of self control. Knowing your human limitations and being realistic. Embodying another one of the Fruits of the Spirit, and the other Fruits more consistently.
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